AP Wire
ZOMBIE OUTBREAK RECURS AT DARTMOUTH COLLEGE
Only months after a scientific experiment gone awry resulted in the deaths of nearly a hundred innocent students, Dartmouth College has again been wracked by a zombie outbreak. This time, however, the medical school avows any involvement in the disaster.
Sources suggest that Professor Fred Schnapps, the criminal responsible for the previous zombie outbreak is, however, behind this new disaster. The original zombies-- two of them, sources say-- were seen stumbling wildly through the woods from the direction of Lebanon Community Service Jail, the prison in which Schnapps has been incarcerated for the past three months.
"It was terrible," said Gail Fitzcabernet-Wallinson, a Hanover local. "I saw the two zombies burst out of the woods and go staggering towards Dartmouth. I couldn't give a s***, really, whether they eat all the students or not. But I certainly don't want them eating ME!"
Our Washington correspondents report that President Obama is again on the case. "I can't speak public about it just yet," he told reporters, while spinning a pair of shining golden revolvers around his fingers, "but suffice it to say that I will be f****** these zombies up, so I will."
Our hearts and good wishes reside with the beleaguered students of Dartmouth College.
THE GAME IS ON.
Last term I made it 21 hours. Time will tell whether my survival skills have improved.
*** Update 1 (2 Aug. 2012): I survived the whole time, but only by avoiding the missions and staying inside and generally being a paranoid wreck. I do not recommend this strategy to future players.
No comments:
Post a Comment